Immaculate Rejection
by becoafamu
Summary: It seems Fire Lord Zuko is having trouble producing an heir. So, who does he turn to for help? His friends, of course! Unfortunately, some dirty little secrets come out in the process. Zuko/Mai, Zuko/Sokka, Zuko/guard, Zuko/sailor, Zuko/Jet... and so on.
1. Chapter 1

**Immaculate Rejection - Chapter 1**

Fire Lord Zuko was the most powerful person in the world, except maybe the Avatar himself. He might have been enjoying his new-found political power a bit more, however, if it gave him anything at all that he actually wanted.

The very first task Zuko set out on was finding his mother. On the very day of his coronation, he'd ordered his disgraced father to tell him where she'd been banished to, and then set off on his own the very next day. Unfortunately, losing his firebending had not made his father any more honest. Zuko scrubbed the tiny Earth Nation town from top to bottom, three and then four times. When his mother was nowhere to be found, he moved on to combing the surrounding countryside. He searched for two solid months before returning to the Fire Nation. Since then, his advisers had forced him to send search parties in his stead, insisting that he was needed at the capitol. Being chained down had done nothing for his mood.

His very first job as Fire Lord had been to finish tracking down and un-banishing all of the servants who his sister had banished, a job he took bitterly, since he was unable to un-banish his mother. Since then, his job had gotten even more frustrating and even less interesting. He sat on the throne, exactly where his father had always sat, surrounded by only slightly less angry fire, staring down at his advisors, all sitting humbly around the table. The war table itself was the same, but instead of plotting out attacks and strategies, Zuko found himself surrounded by numbers: food supply, cost of damages, number of soldiers who came home today. He could almost see why the Fire Nation had decided to invade the rest of the world. At the very least, war meetings were more exciting than this. He tried very hard not to fall asleep.

It was a fight that he was losing.

"My Lord? We have one more report."

"Mmm?" Zuko asked sleepily. "Disease outbreak?"

"Uh, no, sir. It concerns the Princess." Zuko's eyes snapped open. He sat up straighter. Nothing caught his attention like news of Azula. Thankfully, the man giving the report was tactful enough not to refer to her as his _sister. _He supposed he could look into getting her title removed, though.

"What happened?" he asked sharply.

"Two days ago, she tried to escape," the man said quickly. Two days ago. "The situation is under control-"

"Two _days _ago!" Zuko shrieked. He was older now, and his voice was deeper, but that didn't stop it from squeaking when he was enraged. It was somewhat undignified. "No one thought to tell me before now?"

"It took two days for a messenger to make it to the palace, my Lord-"

"What, we don't have hawks anymore?"

"All otherwise engaged, my Lord." Zuko groaned and massaged the bridge of his nose. In spite of himself, even with a year of Fire Lord practice, he was unable to keep up his formal façade when he was irritated. Once he was angry, it was all grunting and sarcasm. He supposed he had Team Avatar to thank for that. Somehow, in the span of only a few weeks, they'd all but managed to dismantle a lifetime of royalty-training. Zuko took a deep breath and tried his best to restore his inner calm.

"You said the situation is under control," he said coldly, an open invitation for his advisor to elaborate.

"Ah- yes- she was subdued, and is currently being kept in a cooler."

"I've never met a cooler that could hold Azula." There was a long pause, during which everyone in the room dwelled on all the horrible things Azula had done to them, Zuko was sure. Then one advisor, towards the back, stood up and cleared his throat.

"Sir. If I may." Zuko stared at him. The man somehow took that as an invitation to continue. "I know you've discounted this option before, but I feel I must remind you that this will continue to be a problem as long as she is alive. I suggest-"

"I'm not executing anyone in my own family," he said sharply. "Aang- uh, the Avatar let my father live, so I will do the same for Azula." As tempting as it was, Aang would never forgive him if he killed his own sister. And Zuko had a sneaking suspicion that he was using Aang as a cover for the fact that he'd never forgive himself if he killed his own sister.

In any other circumstance, his advisors wouldn't dare question the Fire Lord's judgment. Azula, however, was a topic on which they were all a little touchy. With good reason.

"You're making a mistake, my Lord!" the same advisor shouted. A shocked silence settled over the room. Zuko's good eye narrowed- his bad eye was, of course, always narrowed.

"You are all dismissed," he said flatly. Another advisor spoke up.

"Lord Zuko-"

"Leave." The advisors looked at each other, then quickly bowed and made their exit, one by one, until Zuko was alone in the throne room. He stayed behind, only temporarily, just to collect his thoughts. Ever since he'd become Fire Lord, he'd found he thought his best thoughts while sitting on his all-important throne. That, and lying in bed before he went to sleep at night, but it was sort of early for that. He closed his eyes and tried to think clearly.

Azula tried to escape again. She'd been imprisoned for an entire year, now, and the attempts were getting more and more frequent. If there were any other way, Zuko would happily take it, but the truth was, she was a danger to anyone she came in contact with, including herself. Azula's raw power had always been tempered by her head for strategy, but, well, rage and pain had caused her to lose her tenuous-to-begin-with grip on reality. She attacked anyone who came near her.

Zuko thought back to when he'd first been exiled. He'd been angry and hurt, sure. But he'd had his chase for the Avatar. He'd had hope. Azula had nothing. She was nothing if not rigid- she'd never be able to live in a Fire Nation where she wasn't in charge. The only way her life was going to return to how it was before was if he himself was dead.

"Dammit, Azula," Zuko muttered. "Even when you're crazy and in prison, you find a way to get to me." Maybe he'd have to pay her another visit. But the last time he'd tried, she'd gotten him confused with their mother, and screamed fire about how he never loved her as much as her worthless older brother, then started tattling on all the horrible things Zuko had done to her as a child, many of which Zuko himself didn't even remember. After hearing all about how Azula was oh so upset that her brother had refused to play fire-tag with her and then didn't share his toys with her when she asked, he'd gotten bored and depressed and left.

She was coherent enough to try to escape, though. Maybe the insanity was an act? Like when Uncle Iroh had been imprisoned. But no- if Azula was able to make a coherent escape plan, she would succeed. No Fire Nation prison would be able to hold her at her best.

Zuko's eyes opened. He needed something to take his mind off of his sister. Knowing that someone wanted him dead hadn't gotten easier, even though people had wanted him dead for his entire adult life. As Fire Lord, however, his life was slightly more important to the natural order of things than it had been before.

He walked out of his throne room and waited patiently for a servant to appear. When one did, Zuko flagged him down.

"Sir?" the servant asked politely, after bowing, naturally.

"Summon the Fire Lady and send her to my chambers," Zuko said formally. The servant bowed again quickly, and left. Zuko headed back to his chambers on his own.

Zuko and Mai were married immediately after Zuko had returned from his depressingly unsuccessful search for his mother. He'd wanted her to be there for his wedding, of course, and the entire day was shrouded in depression for him. The ceremony was painfully formal, befitting Fire Nation royalty, and well-attended by prominent figures from all over the world, including most of the Order of the White Lotus, all of whom got super drunk at the reception. Zuko had then vowed never to let his uncle near alcohol again, though he'd had limited success, given that said uncle currently lived halfway around the world.

Regardless, Zuko had been happy to make Mai his Fire Lady. As was Fire Nation custom, the Fire Lord and Fire Lady had separate living quarters. The Fire Lady's quarters also included rooms for ladies-in-waiting and, of course, hypothetical children. That was where Zuko's own childhood bedroom had been. He'd continued to sleep there even after his mother had disappeared, and again when he'd moved back home. The Fire Lord's chambers were, needless to say, much more fancy. Zuko sat down on the edge of his bed and waited.

Mai, always punctual, appeared in a matter of minutes. She was still wearing her daytime formal dress. She'd probably just finished dinner. Zuko was a bit ashamed to say that he wasn't really sure what all Mai did during the day.

"You summoned me, my Lord?" she asked drily. Her face was stony, but then, it always was. Zuko couldn't tell if she was angry or indifferent. He used to be able to, but now, who knew?

"Don't call me that," he said. She raised an eyebrow. She hadn't moved from the doorway.

"You could've just come to see me yourself, you know."

"Doing it this way saved time."

"You certainly know how to flatter a girl."

"What do you want from me?" he snapped. Mai glowered. Or at least, he thought she was glowering. Her expressions were somewhat limited. But somehow, even with her total lack of emotion, she and Zuko always managed to start a fight minutes after seeing each other. Her words confirmed that she was indeed angry.

"I'm leaving." She turned to head back towards the door.

"No- Mai, I'm sorry," Zuko said quickly. He stood up and went over to his girlfr- his wife. She'd been his wife for almost a year. "Don't go." He took her hands in his and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. Zuko got the impression that she was allowing him to kiss her. She certainly didn't offer him a kiss back. Relations with Mai had been strained ever since they got married. Zuko was just so incredibly busy being Fire Lord that he never had time to spend with her. At least, that's what he told himself. He'd never fess up to actively avoiding her. Not in a million years.

"Bad day?" she asked finally.

"Azula." Despite everything, Zuko was grateful that he never had to elaborate on things with Mai. Just saying his dear sister's name was enough. Mai understood immediately.

"Oh," she said.

"Yeah." Mai sighed- _that gloomy girl who sighs a lot_- and sat down on the bed, exactly where Zuko had been sitting, moments before. Somehow, there was always a space between them. A long silence passed, during which they both fidgeted awkwardly. Zuko supposed he should have thought more about what it would be like to spend his life with a second person who hated talking.

"Shall we get it over with, then?" she finally asked, flatly. Zuko was surprised.

"What?"

"We can talk anywhere. You only ever bring me _here_ for one reason." Zuko was many things, and awkward around women was most definitely one of them. His face flushed. Mai glared at him. In a matter of minutes, they were both undressed and gettin' freaky.

At least, in theory.

Mai was doing all the work, but she didn't seem to be trying very hard. Zuko was flat on his back, on top of all the blankets, with his wife perched semi-comfortably on top of him. She moved evenly and mechanically, emotionlessly, quintessentially Mai, while Zuko kept his eyes closed and willed himself to enjoy it. It was a ritual they shared, as often as they could bear it, which was not very often at all.

After about thirty minutes, Zuko finally came, with a rather anticlimactic grunt. Mai promptly removed herself and began wrapping herself in her robes. Zuko leaned over to give her a kiss, which she returned. He rolled back onto his pillows and twiddled his thumbs.

"So," he asked, conversationally. "You feel pregnant?"

Mai left without saying a word.

Zuko waited until he was sure she was out of earshot before he screamed in frustration and clapped a hand across his face.

"Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He didn't even bother to put clothes on. He just lay on his bed, naked and messy, and ranted out his frustrations. "How could you say that? You are such an idiot!" Once he was done abusing himself, he moved on to human biology. "I can't be doing something _wrong, _can I? She should be pregnant by now! It's been an entire year! Face burns don't make you sterile!"

"Uh, sir?" A timid knock came at the door. One of the servants. "Is everything ok?"

"Go away!" Zuko shrieked, and he lobbed a burst of fire at the door. Not enough to burn anything, but enough to make the offending servant feel the heat. He heard her mumble a frightened apology and scurry away. Zuko himself rolled over onto his side, hugged a pillow, and indulged a good long sulk.

Zuko had a problem. Zuko needed an heir. That was what royals did- they got married and produced baby royals. Unfortunately, between him and Mai, something was going horribly wrong, and no baby royals were forthcoming. It was hardly a question he could bring up to his chief advisors. And he wasn't immune to the snide, indirect comments they made about his not having any offspring. Academically, Zuko was well aware that he and Mai were both young and had more than enough child-bearing years ahead. Politically, Zuko needed a child to further legitimize his position as Fire Lord.

Mai was, to say the least, not so much on board with this plan.

Zuko groaned and pushed his hair out of his face, all fidgety, the way he did when he was annoyed. Lying in bed and pouting wasn't getting him anywhere. He needed to let off some steam.

The solution was back in his throne room.

Within the hour, Zuko found himself thrown down on his own war table. Fortunately, it was no sign of disrespect. Or at least, it was a sign of disrespect Zuko enjoyed quite a bit.

His captain of the guard was a strapping young gentleman, barely two years older than Zuko himself, and very rapidly promoted, for reasons not entirely related to his job performance. One day, after spending some time admiring from afar the way that the young man swung his swords, he'd walked over to introduce himself. Soon they were making out in a closet. Sometimes life works that way.

As the months went by, the affair heated up, culminating in war room trysts of the sort going on at the present moment. The foreplay was already done. Zuko's soldier leaned over his body and licked his good ear.

"Are you ready, Fire Lord?" he whispered. The hot breath made Zuko feel all tingly. A feeling he hadn't had with Mai, well, ever.

"Just shut up and put it in," he hissed back. Immediately, he felt fingers playing with his entrance. Zuko groaned and stretched his own fingers, digging them into the table. His cock was stiff and swollen. When he shuddered, it wiggled sort of awkwardly. He just wanted to be _touched_, already.

The captain complied easily with his request. Zuko felt himself go oh-so-slightly cross-eyed as the man forced him open, but it was the good kind of cross-eyed. His mouth popped open, too. He drooled on his own war table.

Once he was all the way in, the captain slid himself back out, then pushed in again. He moved slowly, agonizingly so. A pathetic squeak came out of the back of Zuko's throat with every thrust, and he got the impression that his tormentor _liked _that, the bastard.

"Go faster," he demanded. His fingers curled up into angry fists.

"Is that an _order, _my Lord?" the captain taunted. It was a little game they played. He liked dominating the Fire Lord, Zuko liked being dominated. Everyone was happy.

Well, except for Zuko, because he was never happy.

"Go _faster_," he repeated, through gritted teeth. A small burst of steam came out of his mouth. His captain obediently picked up the pace. Zuko's body, coated in sweat, slid easily over the polished wood of his table. He arched his back, signaling his partner to go deeper. His hair was down. His body was begging for more. He groaned pathetically. Zuko could feel his inner fire burning, twisting into knots, swirling in his stomach, the center of his chi.

"So close," he gasped. "Please." He unclenched his fist and slid it down between his legs. The captain stopped him. While holding on to Zuko's hand, he gently removed himself from Zuko's body. Zuko gasped in pain and frustration as he found himself abandoned. His inner fire quite promptly went out.

"What are you doing?" he snapped. Sure, he was mean, but he got the impression that the guard liked it.

"Hold on," the captain said hoarsely. He ran his hands up Zuko's slender waist before taking hold and rolling him over onto his back.

"What?"

"You'll like this. I promise." Zuko, for the second time that evening, was flat on his back. He was prone. The captain loomed over him, nearly twice his size, with all the muscles to show for it. They rarely- well, never- faced each other while they went at it. Zuko was unused to being so exposed. His cock flopped awkwardly onto his abs, leaking fluid. He was close. He couldn't be bothered to think about what was going on around him.

"Shut up and_ put it back in_," Zuko hissed. The captain obeyed. He leaned over Zuko's body, shielding him from the view of the statues of his predecessors. Who knew how many Fire Lords had had sex in this room over the years?

The captain pushed himself back in, much more easily this time, and immediately settled into a steady rhythm. Zuko's legs were pushed wide open. His internal fire came back with a vengeance. Skin was everywhere, skin on skin, rubbing together, creating an external heat to match what was happening inside. Sparks began to fly out of Zuko's sweaty fingertips.

"Faster," he choked. The captain's hips and abs rubbed against him, and he pushed his own hips closer, desperate for more friction. He couldn't take it. Another thick drop of liquid squeezed out of him and dribbled onto his stomach. His eyelids fluttered closed.

"Oh," his partner gasped. He was close, too. He lowered himself and buried his face in Zuko's neck. The contact was making Zuko crazy. His hot breaths matched his heartbeat.

"Oh- Zuko-" the captain groaned before he lost it. Zuko felt the impact, the thick load hitting the inside of his body. He came, too, shortly after, as the captain continued to pound into him, and they rode out their orgasms together, until the captain collapsed, exhausted. When he pulled himself out of Zuko, he was followed by a stream of thick, creamy fluid. Zuko's own load was splattered all over his stomach and chest. He ran a tired finger through it.

_This should be inside of Mai, _he thought bitterly. Maybe that was why she couldn't get pregnant- maybe the strength of his seed was somehow diminished by midnight trysts? Plenty of high-ranking Fire Nation officials had illegitimate children though, right?

He was suddenly overcome with guilt.

"Don't call me that ever again," he spat. "Now clean this up." He didn't wait to see the captain's reaction before he wrapped himself in his robes and skulked back to his bedroom. No- this wouldn't do at all. He was going to have to go somewhere else for help. And who does anyone ask when they have relationship problems?

Their friends, that's who.

* * *

MY VERY FIRST AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER FIC. HI AVATAR FANS. I AM SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS SHOW. At risk of sounding like a total douche, this was mainly inspired by the episode "The Beach," when Zuko and Mai fight, and the episode "The Firebending Masters" where everyone tries to help Zuko out after he loses his, uh, stuff. Also the fact that Zuko is far too awkward to be straight. :)

I'm sorry that there are only two pairings in this chapter, and that it's basically a giant exposition dump. But it's ok because the next chapter is when Sokka shows up. ;) Review plz?


	2. Chapter 2

**Immaculate Rejection - Chapter 2**

The following morning, Zuko decided to leave for Ba Sing Se, and leave quietly. He needed to visit his uncle. They hadn't seen each other in months, and, well, Zuko never seemed to do too well without him. From there, if he needed more help, he'd be able to contact the rest of Team Avatar. He was sort of ashamed to admit that he didn't have any other friends- except Mai, of course, but Mai hated him now, so, yeah, there was that.

Zuko's advisors had spoken out rather strongly against his spending time outside of the Fire Nation searching for his mother, but they couldn't protest if he went to the Earth Kingdom capitol. Even so, he was going alone. He dressed himself in comfortable traveling clothes and walked down to the war balloon hangar.

"Good morning, Fire Lord Zuko," the guard greeted him, with a quick bow. Zuko waved him off and walked over to the first balloon.

"I'm going on a trip," he said. He hopped up into the basket. "To Ba Sing Se." Zuko didn't want this guard to get in trouble with his superiors- Zuko's own lover, to be precise- so he told the truth. It would be hours before anyone noticed he was gone, anyway. Before the guard could ask for details, Zuko had lit the engine and was expertly navigating the balloon out of Fire Nation airspace and towards the Earth Kingdom.

On the way, he dwelled on his captain. These days, Zuko was always dwelling. He had not, of course, seen the man again since he'd stormed out of the throne room- he'd gone straight to bed after their meeting, and then gotten up and fled the palace. They'd never fought before now, so he wasn't sure what would happen, but Zuko hardly had anything to fear from a scorned captain. If he revealed their secret, his own reputation would be hurt as much as Zuko's. And if he tried to retaliate, Zuko could just fire him. Problem solved.

Zuko sighed. The affair with the captain of the guard was not, of course, the first time he'd had sex with someone who was working for him.

When he'd been banished, his father was all but ready to just leave him on the shores of the Earth Kingdom and forget he existed. His uncle had stepped in and insisted that Zuko be given a ship and a crew. The crew had been hard to find- no one wanted to _volunteer_ to travel with the shame of the Fire Nation. Uncle Iroh called in some favors with old war buddies and people who still idolized him for his military campaigns. The rest of the crew was made up of Fire Nation peasants who had nowhere else to go.

That was how Zuko met him.

He was only a couple years older than Zuko himself, a teenager, someone else who had no family. Since most of the crew was made up of old men, Zuko really had no one else to talk to. They started an awkward friendship.

"_So, who burned your face?"_

"_None of your goddamn business, that's who!"_

A very awkward friendship.

Zuko sighed and pushed his hair out of his eyes, resting his fingers on the bridge of his nose to calm himself down. Back then, he hadn't had any hair. The healers had needed to shave the front of his head to treat the burn wound, and rather than wait for the front to grow back, looking like one of the Air Nomad women he'd seen in pictures, he'd opted to just shave it all. Except, of course, the high ponytail that marked him as Fire Nation. A tiny piece of home.

Zuko had his first kiss very very far from home, on the night of a full moon. He was fourteen years old. He couldn't sleep, so he was sitting out on the deck of his ship, staring west, back towards where he was supposed to be. His sailor friend was on night watch, and found him there.

"Homesick?" he asked simply. Zuko didn't answer. "Me, too. And I didn't even _have _anything in the Fire Nation."

"Don't you have a job you should be doing?" Zuko asked nastily. The other teenager said nothing, and sat down next to him. Zuko could have, had the mood struck him, lashed out at him for going against a direct order, but he was too tired and sad. They sat that way in silence for a good thirty minutes before the sailor spoke again.

"I like you." Zuko blinked.

"Me?" he asked, before he could stop himself. A tiny bit of the shy boy he'd grown up as peeked out from behind his scar before Zuko could push him down again.

"Yeah. You." His friend scooted closer. He was a little bit taller than Zuko, but then, Zuko had always been small for his age. Almost before poor Zuko knew what was happening, he was being kissed. On the lips. By a boy.

He broke off the kiss in a hurry. His face was hot. Little shy-boy Zuko was out in full force.

"Sorry," his friend said quickly. From his voice, he sounded just as uncomfortable as Zuko felt.

Zuko had never in a million years thought that his first kiss was going to be with a boy, but that was not what concerned him. More recently, he'd convinced himself that his first kiss was never going to happen at all. He was ugly. Mangled. Damaged goods. Doomed to asexuality for the rest of forever by virtue of his hideously scarred face.

"Why?" he asked quietly.

"I told you already- I like you."

"But-" God help him, Zuko sniffled- "I'm so ugly."

"No you're not." His friend kissed him again. This time, Zuko accepted it. He kissed back.

Whatever the two of them had, it made the months at sea just a little more bearable. The crew noticed that Zuko was less irritable, and were enjoying it too much to risk it by asking why. Uncle Iroh never suspected a thing- he was always asleep when the two boys hooked up. Kissing developed into touching developed into dry-humping on the deck. And then, on the night of Zuko's fifteenth birthday, the sailor showed up to their rendezvous point and said he had a surprise for him.

"What kind of surprise?" Zuko was silenced with a kiss, and found himself lowered onto his back, rough hands sliding over his face before going to work removing his robes. Zuko was used to this, of course- they'd been canoodling almost every night for several months.

"This isn't a surprise," he laughed. The sailor smiled and nibbled on his shoulder before going for his pants.

_That _was new.

"What are you doing?" he asked sharply, swatting the intruder's hands away. He had his _honor _to protect, dammit.

"Giving you your birthday present," the sailor smiled, before giving him another kiss. Zuko had most definitely not told anyone it was his birthday. He kept that sort of information to himself.

"How did you- ah- know?" Warm fingers brushed against Zuko's very most delicate area, now only covered by his underwear.

"A little spider-fly told me," his friend grinned, before he lowered his face, down towards what just happened to be Zuko's very most delicate area.

In later years, Zuko would be hard-pressed to describe what happened next. The sailor ran gentle kisses down his stomach before sliding his underwear away. Zuko didn't stop him. Strong, wet fingers wrapped around his shaft, sliding up and down, squeezing out all the emotion that Zuko had been trying oh-so-hard to hold in.

"Just relax," his lover cooed. "This will feel good." Slimy tongue ran along Zuko's tip, and he squeaked happily. Then the lips closed, and the fingers tightened, and the pressure built up behind, and-

That night was the first time Zuko breathed fire.

"You like that?"

"Yeah," Zuko gasped. He was covered in both sweat and his own juices. He smelled pretty.

"Then you'll love what I'm going to do next." The sailor ran his fingers through the goo on Zuko's stomach. He nudged Zuko's legs open with his knees. Soon, Zuko could feel wet fingers poking around in an area where he most definitely did not want to be poked.

"Relax." Zuko did his best. He felt the fingers push inside of him. It didn't hurt, not exactly, it was just super awkward. Things didn't usually _enter_ his body that way.

"What are you doing?" Zuko asked again, somewhat more hoarsely. This time, his friend didn't answer him. Instead, Zuko felt something larger poking towards his opening.

"Are you crazy?" he hissed.

"Yeah, a little." His friend- lover- sailor-guy hoisted Zuko's hips easily, rested Zuko's legs on his own shoulders, and launched an invasion. Zuko squealed and kicked his legs. He was helpless. What if someone _found_ them?

"What if someone _finds_ us?"

"No one's going to find us." Zuko didn't quite believe that, but he found himself forced to moan. His body was being pushed apart. His friend's dick was almost all the way inside of him. Tears gathered at the corners of Zuko's eyes, not from pain necessarily, but from something more than that. He wasn't used to being held like this. He wasn't used to someone trying to make him feel _good _instead of bad.

Zuko gasped as he was filled all the way. His insides tingled. He felt his own dick begin to stiffen all over again. His friend pulled himself back out, then pushed back in again. Zuko groaned.

"You like that?"

"Yeah." The sailor picked up the pace. Zuko's body flopped uselessly on the deck. He was completely limp- except, of course, for his very very stiff private parts. His ass ached from the pounding, but he didn't even care. He cried out and dug his fingernails into the sailor's back. He probably burned him. He didn't care.

"Hold on," his friend gasped. "I'm close." Zuko was close, too. He crossed his legs behind his lover's head and arched his back and closed his eyes and bit down on his lip.

"Oh- Zuko," he gasped. Zuko felt something hot splash up inside his body. His own juices leaked all over his stomach for a second time, dripping across his body and onto the cold deck. They collapsed together, a tangle of arms and legs, snuggled together underneath the sky. It was close to being the best birthday Zuko had ever had, at least in recent years. He was just dosing off when his friend leaned down and whispered into his ear.

"I love you."

That was when Zuko panicked.

The very next day, he threw the boy off the ship. After he ordered the ship to port in a Fire Nation colony, he dressed himself in full armor and called the offending sailor to the deck.

"You need to leave now," he declared. He gestured towards the gangplank and the town. His friend's face paled.

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm _telling _you," Zuko said tersely, "that you're _fired._"

"But Zuko-"

"You will address me as Prince Zuko. Now get off my ship." Zuko refused to meet the sailor's eyes while he spoke. He knew that if he did, his resolve would be broken. No one could ever know what he'd done. He'd already lost his father, his home, his throne, and his honor, but if it got out that he'd slept with a man? He'd never ever _ever _be allowed home again. He could feel his friend's eyes staring at him. His stomach twisted into knots. He couldn't stand it. Finally, the sailor spoke.

"As you wish. _Prince _Zuko." He spat the last two words. The guards on either side of Zuko lifted their weapons, prepared to defend him if their until-recently shipmate decided to attack. He did no such thing, however, simply turning and walking down the gangplank, disappearing into the crowd at the pier.

That was the last time Zuko ever saw him.

"I hope you know what you're doing, nephew," Iroh had said quietly. He'd been standing behind Zuko the entire time, just like he always did. "Now we're down a crew member." Zuko had ignored him and gone back to his cabin.

Back in the present, Zuko sighed as he approached the walls of Ba Sing Se. Now that he'd worked things out with his uncle, he supposed that kicking his lover off his ship had to be his biggest regret. And, despite himself, he'd always suspected that it was his uncle who told the boy it was his birthday.

Zuko landed the war balloon- given that there was no war anymore, they really needed to come up with a new name- in some of the flatlands outside of the city, and headed inside. Rather than announce who he was, he slipped in quietly, with everyone else. Once he was in the city, Zuko hurried into The Jasmine Dragon, trying for all the world to look like an ordinary tea customer and not the one and only Fire Lord. Unfortunately, years of exile had done nothing if not demonstrated that he was very bad at hiding who he was. The scar didn't help. He hadn't made it two steps into the shop before he was recognized.

"Zuko!" someone shouted. "Hey, Zuko!"

Sokka.

Zuko groaned and clutched his nose.

He liked Sokka. He really did. Most of the discomfort he was feeling stemmed from guilt at having not spoken to anyone in Team Avatar for months and months and months. Well, he was just busy. Yeah, that was it. Busy doing Fire Lord stuff. Like going to meetings, and taking spontaneous secret vacations. Yeah.

His uncle apparently wasn't around, so Zuko got some tea of his own and resigned himself to sitting down with Sokka to wait until he came back. Without much of a prompt from Zuko at all, he launched into stories of all the exciting things he'd been doing, from visiting Kyoshi to rebuilding the Southern Water Tribe. Zuko had to admit that rebuilding the Southern Water Tribe was quite a task. From what he'd seen, the place was kind of a dump. And he hadn't helped the situation by busting down their walls. Thankfully, Sokka didn't bring that up.

"So, what brings you all the way to Ba Sing Se?" Sokka asked over his tea. A year had gone by, and he looked exactly the same. The only difference was that he was decked out in Earth Kingdom green rather than his typical Water Tribe blue. Zuko wondered briefly if he should try to make small talk or cut to the chase.

"I have a problem." He always was a cut-to-the-chase kind of guy.

"What kind of problem?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Zuko considered that for a moment. He'd wanted to talk to Uncle first. But really, what was the harm? He _had_ talked to Sokka about girl problems before. And Sokka had had girlfriends, and he had a sister who wasn't totally bonkers. Heck, he made out with the _moon_. Maybe he would be able to help.

"It's, uh." He took a deep breath and blurted it out. "Mai can't get pregnant." That was apparently not what Sokka had been expecting to hear. He stared for a long moment before extending one arm and pointing towards the back of the store.

"Wait! What's that? I think it's your honor!" Sokka jabbed at the ceiling, expecting Zuko to follow. Zuko watched him brace himself for a quick escape, and his good eye narrowed.

"You know, that is _still not funny._" Sokka quickly stopped giggling.

"Ok, sorry dude," he grinned. "But seriously. You're trying to have a _baby_? You're what, eighteen?" Zuko sighed. This wasn't going anywhere. He downed the rest of the tea and moved to get up.

"I told you you wouldn't understand."

"No! Wait," Sokka said quickly. He put his hands up in a defensive gesture, as if Zuko was going to attack him- which, Zuko had to admit to himself, was not an entirely unfounded fear. "It's cool. I can help you out." Sokka motioned for Zuko to sit back down. Considering that Zuko had nowhere else to go, he did. Sokka took a deep breath.

"Uh, so, uh." At least Sokka was as uncomfortable as he was. "How long have you been, uh, trying?"

"Ever since we got married," Zuko answered truthfully. Sokka nodded thoughtfully, as if he'd just said something extremely important.

"So, uh. How often do you, uh, try?"

"Five times."

"A _week_?" Zuko said nothing. He became very interested in his teacup. Sokka pressed. "Five times a month?" Zuko didn't answer. "Five times _ever_?" A faint blush climbed to Zuko's cheeks.

"Yeah." This was looking less and less like a good idea.

"Well, no wonder she hasn't gotten pregnant. You have to do it more than five times in a year, I think," Sokka shrugged. Zuko groaned miserably.

"But _how_ am I supposed to get her to do it with me?"

Being raised as royalty, Zuko had a rather different perspective on things than other people. He'd never had any reason to think that his way of seeing the world was wrong until he'd had to try to pass as a refugee. Every once in a while, he'd say something he saw as totally reasonable, and people would stare at him like they didn't understand at all. Like he was speaking a different language.

Now was one of those times.

"You're joking, right?" Sokka asked, finally.

"Argh!" Zuko shouted. He plunked his head down on the table and groaned miserably. "That's what I mean! Who is the _Fire Lord _supposed to go to with his sexual problems?"

"You know, all this time, that's one question I never thought to ask?" Zuko glared harder than he had ever glared before. Sokka swallowed and took a different tactic. Like water. "Zuko. Buddy. What's the rush? I'm sure this'll work out." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "And trust me, I have _seen_ birth, and it is _not_ pretty."

"You don't understand," Zuko grumbled.

"You keep saying that." Sokka looked at him, and for once, he was serious. Zuko felt that little twist of guilt he always felt when he'd insulted someone without meaning to. Sokka wasn't stupid. As much as Zuko liked to believe he was a special snowflake whose problems were unrelatable by even the most hardened of men, Sokka understood politics, and he would be able understand Zuko's dilemma.

"There are still people in the Fire Nation loyal to my father. If anything happens to me…" he trailed off meaningfully. Sokka raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not following." Zuko gritted his teeth.

"Azula will become Fire Lord!" he shouted. Saying the words out loud made the possibility just that much more frightening. He pounded an irritated fist on the table, causing his tea cup to spin. Sokka, being all too used to Zuko's melodramatic outbursts, didn't react at all, save for raising a skeptical eyebrow.

"But isn't she banished or something?"

"So was I." Sokka's face paled.

"Ok. Ok. Let's teach you how to please a woman."

* * *

ZUKO/SAILOR OTP

Has anyone else noticed that FFnet doesn't let you type ! ? anymore? It always deletes the question mark when they're next to each other. So, a lot of Zuko's angry exclamations don't seem so angry anymore. Oh well.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: I'm sad to say I haven't really read any Avatar fanfic. Tell me what's good!


	3. Chapter 3

**Immaculate Rejection - Chapter 3**

"Zuko's _gay_?"

After Zuko had sworn him to secrecy, Sokka had wasted no time in running back to the Avatar's Ba Sing Se residence to share the dirt with the rest of the group. Unfortunately, the only person home was Katara, and she was killing his buzz. Sure, Zuko had never actually come out and said 'hello, my name is Zuko, Big Gay Fire Lord,' but Sokka had a way of figuring these things out.

"Big time," he said, grinning from ear to ear, the way he always did when gifted with other people's delicious secrets. Katara, however, was having none of it. She raised an eyebrow and stared at him skeptically. That sort of thing ran in the family.

"How do you know that?" she asked evenly. Sokka was prepared with a slew of damning evidence.

"You mean, besides that he's had sex with his wife five times in an entire year?" From the look on Katara's face, she didn't want to think about Zuko and Mai doing it any more than Sokka did. But hey, sorrows halved and all that.

"That doesn't mean anything," she said. "He's a busy guy."

"I asked him what he liked best about Mai and he said her _personality_."

"That's sweet!"

"Um, have you _met _Mai?" Katara's smile wavered. "Yeah. And when I pressed and asked what he liked the most _physically, _he said his favorite part of her body is her _muscular thighs._"

"Really. Zuko used the phrase 'muscular thighs.'"

"He implied it."

"Sokka, I think you're seeing things that aren't there."

"Fine. Don't believe me. But don't say I didn't warn you when the pool boy scandal hits." Sokka crossed his arms. Katara rolled her eyes.

"There's no talking to you when you're like this," she scoffed. "I'm going to go find Toph." Katara swept up the beadwork she'd been working on- she'd really gotten her domesticity on since the war had ended- and left the house. Toph was almost always at the Jasmine Dragon, so he could probably take it for granted that Katara would be drinking tea well into the night, depriving Sokka of his only entertainment.

Ever since Suki had left Ba Sing Se, Sokka had had way too much free time on his hands. Practicing swordplay only took up so much time per day, and even though Katara had begun bugging him about earning an income, he refused to take students on principle. He'd be living off his fame and connections to the Avatar for as long as he possibly could, thank you.

After Zuko's coronation, he, Katara, and Aang had all gone back south and spent some time helping to build up the Southern Water Tribe, but when Aang had had to return to Ba Sing Se, Sokka and Katara had come back with him. Their obligations to the Avatar were first, after all, not to mention that they were excited to go back to the restored Earth Kingdom to see Suki and Toph. Sokka, however, chose to also see his stay as an extended vacation.

Hey. He'd saved the world, right? He deserved some time off. On the Earth King's bill, naturally.

Sokka went into his room and flopped down on his bed. He wanted Suki to come back. Their last parting, however, had been somewhat, well, anticlimactic. Suki had donned her Kyoshi uniform, and given him no more than a brief kiss on the cheek before disappearing with a wave. And no matter how much Sokka wanted to believe otherwise, he had a creeping feeling in his gut that she wasn't going to come back to visit him again.

No. He couldn't think that way. He loved Suki, and Suki loved him. That was how things were.

With a sigh, he reached for a pen and a piece of paper. He and Suki had been sending each other letters ever since they were separated, and Sokka had found himself writing more and more frequently as the boredom took him. But soon it would be dark, and he'd be able to sleep. Hawkie would be ready to go out in the morning.

* * *

"I came as fast as I could, Mai." Mai shrugged and stayed where she was, watching the show. Ty Lee was perched nearby, scrubbing off her Kyoshi make-up and climbing out of her armor. Why she hadn't just come over in normal traveling clothes was beyond Mai, but before she'd been able to make a snide comment, Ty Lee had gone into a long rant about the importance of traveling in uniform and being an ambassador of Kyoshi culture. Sometimes Mai wondered if the girl was psychic as well as crazy.

"So. What seems to be the problem?" The last piece of armor clattered to the ground, leaving Ty Lee in a light garment not dissimilar to Fire Nation pajamas. She did a double back flip, always the show woman, and plopped down on the bed next to Mai.

"Oh, nothing." It wasn't nothing, of course, or Mai wouldn't have called Ty Lee all the way to the Fire Nation from Kyoshi Island. She had to tell the truth. "Zuko's just gone crazy." Ty Lee digested that information for a long moment.

"Are you really surprised?" she asked. "I mean, have you _seen _his family?" She didn't say the name, but Azula hung heavily in between them. Their childhood best friend.

Their _sociopathic _childhood best friend.

"I don't mean psycho crazy." She sighed, a full-throated Mai-style sigh. Well, she might as well be out with it. The cause of her uncharacteristic emotional distress. She took a deep breath.

"He wants me to have a baby."

That was not, apparently, what Ty Lee had been expecting. At first, her whole face lit up. Mai had underestimated her best friend's love of adorable little babies. Upon realizing that Mai herself was not so excited about the prospect, Ty Lee's spirits damped just a tiny bit, but she still failed to catch on to the seriousness of the situation.

"So?" she asked.

"_So_?" Mai frowned. "So, I don't _want_ to have a baby."

"Mai, honey," Ty Lee said soothingly. "Royalty have babies. That's what they do. Bloodlines and all that." Mai stared silently down at her bed coverings. Ty Lee took another tactic. "You didn't think about this before you got married?"

"No. All I thought about was-" She stopped. Ty Lee gently pressed her on.

"All you thought about was?" she repeated, inviting Mai to finish the sentence with a soft lift of her voice. She leaned down to try to look into Mai's eyes, but Mai turned and avoided her.

"How much I loved Zuko."

"Liar."

"I was worried he wouldn't want to marry me because I'm not a firebender, ok? Because-"

"He'd want his heirs to be firebenders." Ty Lee said the words sympathetically. She rested a hand on Mai's shoulder, and for once, Mai didn't brush her away. After giving the shoulder a gentle squeeze, Ty Lee leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"I know something that'll make you feel better," she said slyly. Mai swatted her away.

"What if Zuko finds out?" Mai didn't quite feel guilty- guilty wasn't the right word- but she felt an obligation to her marriage that wasn't entirely towards Zuko personally. She'd had her suspicions for a while.

"So what if he does? And besides, he won't. He's all the way in Ba Sing Se right now." Ty Lee made a persuasive argument.

"You make a persuasive argument." Not that she'd ever admit it, but Mai missed being close to her. The two of them and Azula had been more, shall we say, than just friends. With Azula in prison, Ty Lee halfway around the world, and Zuko being somewhat less than talented, however, Mai had been suffering a severe lack of intimacy.

This time when Ty Lee kissed her cheek, she didn't push her friend away.

Ty Lee took the opportunity to swing around for a real kiss. Mai returned the kiss, reserved as always, though she could feel herself beginning to relax. Ty Lee was both warm and familiar, and Mai could feel that familiar warmth spreading to certain areas of her body.

"I missed you," she said softly.

"Likewise, I'm sure," said Ty Lee, before sliding her hand underneath Mai's loose pajama top, giving her breast a squeeze. Mai's nipples grew hard from the exposure. She gasped a little and allowed Ty Lee to climb on top of her, mounting her properly and pinning her to the top of the bed.

Ty Lee ground her hips in a slow circle, rubbing their groins together. Mai pushed her hips up to meet her.

"Do it harder," she whispered. Ty Lee obliged with the best her athleticism could muster. Mai felt the bed begin to shake. A tingle swept through Mai's most delicate of areas, after only a few short thrusts. It really had been a while.

Mai grunted softly as she came, pushing her hips up into Ty Lee's embrace. Her fingers dug into her lover's back. The orgasm was gone as quickly as it had arrived, no more than a sharp bolt of energy through her tragically neglected nethers.

"You weren't really feeling that, were you," Ty Lee laughed. She always had a way of sensing when an orgasm was particularly weak and pathetic.

"It's been a while," Mai muttered, embarrassed.

"That's fine. I have a few more things we can do." Nimble fingers removed Mai's top and quickly worked their way into her pajama bottoms. Mai cringed away, still sensitive, but Ty Lee managed to work her way around without causing any pain. She deftly removed Mai's pants, exposing her pussy to the world.

"I'll start slow," Ty Lee said with a smile, running a finger along the inside of Mai's thigh. She then stood up on her knees before pulling off her own top, letting her own tits bounce against her smooth skin. Her pants dropped easily off of her small hips. Mai smiled to herself- she'd forgotten how much she loved Ty Lee's wiry body. Some men didn't like muscular women, but Mai did. Yeah, Mai did.

Ty Lee nudged a finger towards Mai's entrance. Mai didn't protest. Her pussy enveloped Ty Lee's hard fingers, two at once, and pulled them deep inside. The fingers stretched open, then closed, then stretched again, all while caressing Mai's tender flesh. Mai grunted and shifted to allow better access. Few people knew that Ty Lee was double-jointed. It was one of her greatest assets, and one of her best-kept secrets.

Satisfied that Mai was ready for more action, Ty Lee leaned down- incredible flexibility at work- and began circling Mai's clit with her tongue in slow, even circles. Mai reached down and stroked her hair while she worked, subtly directing her towards her own more sensitive areas. The heat was spreading through her body again. Ty Lee startled her with a quick flick of the tongue on her clitoris, before pushing in a third finger.

"Hey," Mai gasped. "I want to lick your cunt." Without pausing her own actions for a moment, Ty Lee pushed herself up into a one-hand handstand before flipping over and resting her feet on the wall behind Mai's head, giving her perfect pussy access without her having to move at all.

God, she loved this chick.

She grabbed at Ty Lee's body hungrily, digging her fingers into her hips and pulling her close. Ty Lee's knees bent and she dropped slightly. Her firm ass bumped against Mai's hard nips before she righted herself, with one foot on each side of Mai's head, removing her tongue to focus on penetrating Mai's body with four fingers.

Mai sank her own tongue into Ty Lee's soft lusciousness. The flavor fell over her, and she lapped it up gratefully. She heard Ty Lee gasp, and the force of her thrusts increased. Unlike her partner, however, Mai had access to both of her hands, and she made use of them. She wrapped her arms around Ty Lee's middle to stroke her sensitive belly. She scraped her nails down Ty Lee's hips and cupped her firm ass. Ty Lee was beginning to shake from the strain of maintaining her stance and also enduring the pleasure, but Mai was relentless. She squeezed Ty Lee's ass. Ty Lee gasped and almost lost her balance.

They'd been friends for so long- Mai knew everything about Ty Lee, and Ty Lee knew everything about Mai. Ty Lee knew even that right now, what Mai needed more than anything was a good roll in the hay. Their secret relationship- now only between the two of them- made it all the more exciting. Knowing that she was going behind the back of her husband, the goddamn Fire Lord, made her body shake with delight.

She was nearing her release.

"Ty," she gasped, unable to speak the full name. "Please-" Ty Lee knew what that meant. For the slightest of moments she withdrew her hand, only to add her fifth and final finger and shove with all her strength. She withdrew- she pushed again, with a twist. Rather than scream, Mai sucked Ty Lee's pussy harder. Their bodies were covered in sweat. The sheets were a tangled mess.

Ty Lee came first, with a gasp and a tiny shriek. As she pushed against Mai's mouth, she twisted her arm even more violently inside Mai's body, triggering a chain reaction from Mai's pussy all the way up to her throat, catching her breath. Ty Lee's cum flowed over Mai's chin, and Mai barely felt it. Her hands dropped to her sides and grabbed onto the sheets, bracing herself for what was coming.

The orgasm started in the lowest depths of her body, before spreading like a flame up the walls of her cunt and out into her sensitive folds. She didn't cry out- Mai never cried out- but she did close her eyes, riding out the length of her release in silent ecstasy. Ty Lee fell off of her onto the bed, gasping for air, her messy hair cast over Mai's feet. They stayed that way for a long moment, until the sweat dried and their breathing returned to normal.

"You know?" Mai said, with a gentle laugh. "I actually feel better."

* * *

OOO, lady porn! No worries, we'll be back to our regularly-scheduled Zuko sex later on. ;)

REVIEWS MAKE ME HAPPY? :D


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